I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize