Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize