remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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