Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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