Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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