I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
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Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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