My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize