why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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