When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize