He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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