I just cut my nipple shaving
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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