what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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