I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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