This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize