im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize