you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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