She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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