So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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