I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize