You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
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I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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