She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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