I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize