Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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