Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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