there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
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i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You ate ashes out of my bong
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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