What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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