Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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