That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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