i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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