Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it glows. i had to have it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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