Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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