Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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