How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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