someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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