if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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