Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
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Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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