Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize