1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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