Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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