I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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