Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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