Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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