I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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