Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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