Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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