Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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