Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
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you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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