How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
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To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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