i already hear my dad disowning me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize