i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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